'The thrill, the excitement is gone from my marriage,' George complains to his mate, Tony.
'Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?' suggests Tony naughtily.
'But what if my wife finds out?' frowns George.
'Lummee, George,' explains Tony, 'this is the 21st century we live in, mate. Go ahead and tell her about it.'
So George returns home and says, 'Poppet, I think an affair will bring us closer together.'
'Forget it,' replies his wife. 'I've tried that - it didn't work.'
Bigamist? Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mothers-in-law.
A Question Of Marriage Guidance
Vicky, young single lady visits the local dating agency and explains, 'I'm looking for a husband. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?'
The dating receptionist needs to find out some details so she asks, 'What are your requirements, please?'
'Well, let me see.' Vicky says, 'He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.'
The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, 'I understand. You need a television.'
Never Be Afraid to Ask for Help
What more can Will and Guy say! If all else fails, asking for help will get you a laugh and buy you time.
Rehearse The Church Service: A True Story
At a wedding ceremony at which Father Brian Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the final blessing at the end of the service.
Louise, the bride, totally misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.
Not wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a high-five.
Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.
The Seven Ages of the Married Cold
1st year - The husband says, 'Oh, darling, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the private hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is good there, and I've already spoken to the Matron and the Hospital chef and I've paid the bill.
2nd year - 'Listen, sweetie, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've 'phoned the doctor and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go to bed and get the rest you need? I'll bring you something to eat when you're hungry.'
3rd year - 'Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something ; do we have any canned soup around here anywhere?'
4th year - 'No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go straight to bed yourself.'
5th year - 'Why don't you take a couple aspirin?'
6th year - 'You ought to gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog.'
7th year - 'For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the supermarket.'
This Guy is looking for a Food Store ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome CSS can be
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these are simply my
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See the light and
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More